Friday, May 1, 2009

Fun and Games With Jenners-Mixed Up Genres

I hope you guys all decide to have a little fun at Jenner's place and play her new game. Here are my attempts at trainwrecks.

Interview With A Muppet
By Anne Rice and Jim Hinson

"So, what makes you think that you're not a real frog?", the boy asked.

His visitor stayed in the shadows and replied in a surprisingly non croakish way, " I am told that you collect stories."

"Yes," the boy said not looking at his visitor as he sorted through old cassette tapes, "as long as they are good."

"Well, then, whenever you are ready."

The boy popped the cassette in and said, "So, when did you first learn that you were not a frog like the rest?"

The green visitor held his ....well whatever up and stopped the boy.

"No, that is not how I want to begin."

"How would you like to proceed then?" The boy asked.

"I think I would like to tell it from the beginning." The boy leaned back and listened as the visitor continued. "My name is Kermit the Frog. It was 1979 when I noticed something amiss. While other frogs were jumping in the water and had smooth skin, I was different. First of all, my skin was not coarse...but felt. Secondly, I had a hand up my ass."

Get A Lawyer Charlie Brown
by Charles Shultz and Edgar Allen Poe

The barren waste of my my mind retched as the teacher went on blissfully unaware of what I planned. Yes, it would happen soon...very soon. Murder I planned...cruel, sweet, delightful murder.

"Hey, Chuck."

That detestable Peppermint Patty always seemed to place herself in the way of my thoughts. I sighed and looked around.

"Did you guys win any baseball games, Chuck? You guys were really bad, weren't you?"

Confound it!! Was she really this stupid? The world would be well rid of this closeted wench of a child, but no the true target of my wrath was my best friend's sister. Lucy. She would pay. How she had mocked me? The number of times she had played on my unwitting trust only to pull the ball from me! She would pay. But, with Patty, I had to be smart..I had to cunning. I could not allow her any inkling of what I planned.

"We'll be better next year, I know it." I said convincingly. If she only knew that my efforts would be directed into different directions she would be shocked. They all would be...

"Wah wah wah wah wahhhwaah."

"Yes, Ma'am. I'm sorry, we won't talk without permission again." Easy, Charlie, do not allow anyone foreknowledge of your plans. Lucy will be no more as long as you keep your mind on your task.
The Menace of Christmas
by Louis Lamour and Dr. Seuss

Alcohol cut a wide swath in heart, just like a creek after a hard rain . He had spent many days out here wondering what life really had to offer. Once a man of stature, he had drunk himself into a stupor that only brief moments of sobriety shone through the clouds of inebriation. Now, he had nothing to show, but the discoloration of his skin.

He had, like others of his ilk, had decided to live on the fringes. The others, down below his simple dwelling, lived for laughter. But the laughter died in his heart when the alcohol entered it. He lived for vengeance, not for any disservice any man had done him, but for the cruelest measure of hatred his maker had placed upon him. For being born. The name Grinch was to be his handle.

So, as the Who's in Whoville decided to begin their celebration, Grinch, made his own preparations. Hell, was going to hit Whoville and with it so was the Grinch...and Max.
>The Good the Bad and The Ugly
by Dr. Seuss

See the man, the man has no name.
The man has hair of gold, so Blondie is how he's known.
See the other man. Tuco is his name. He plays a game.
The game is with a gun..and he isn't the only one.

The blonde man and Tuco with the fun gun ride out.
They are looking for a man in black. It is he they want to attack.
He has a gun, it is no fun. All wish to have fun with the gun and attack the man in black.

All of them are bold as the search for gold, under a stone all alone lies the gold to be given to the bold, who play with guns only for fun as Tuco and Blondie attack the man in Black.
Harry Potter and The Precious Prince
by Danielle Steel

Eighteen is a hard time to be a man. For Harry Potter, this was doubly true. He had fought the greatest evil of all time, Lord Voldemort. He was held in the highest regard of all the wizards in the free world. Yet, there was something missing.

He had left things unspoken with Ginny Weasley, his best friend's sister. He had broken up with her as he set out on the quest to rid the world of Lord Voldemort, but now the awkwardness of this set his limbs abuzz with goosebumps. The stolen moments in the common room of Hogwartz and the brief pass of love in the stark home of the Weasleys had made this awkwardness almost a constant companion. The chill of his bones over this only got colder as he apparated just outside the burrow.

Harry took a deep breath as he knocked on the door.

A witch opened it, just not the one he expected.

"Hello, Harry."

Hermoine Granger was the smartest one in his class and the girlfriend of his best friend Ron Weasley. Apparently, this meeting with Ginny would have spectators. Harry nodded and walked in.

As he sat down, he noticed the burrow slightly less crowded as the place where Fred Weasley sat was vacant. He winced at the thought of Fred, dead on the floor back at Hogwartz. A noise of someone walking down the stairs shook him out of his trance. It was Ginny.

Her red hair flowing, her smile was smoldering, as Harry, too bewitched to move, allowed her to pass. As she went by him, her touch blazed fire on his hand.

"'Ello, Harry." She spoke softly, but with a hint of something to come, as she sat down beside him.

The two wizards in their own world looked upon each other as if for the first time. Wands forgotten, words forgotten, all that mattered were their eyes and the silent messages that was being sent forth. They leaned in simultaneously as their lips searched for the others....

Gosh, that was fun!! Give it a shot yourself at Jenners!!


Mama SeWELL said...

the good the bad & the ugly by dr. suess, thats hilarious!
Good Job!

Jenners said...

I am bowing down before you in your glorious ability to mash up genres! Seriously, this was amazing ... I love the Louis L'Amour/Grinch, but then the Dr. Seuss one was great ... and Charlie Brown contemplating murder -- good stuff. But I think my total favorite was Kermit the Frog -- it took me right back to "Interview with a Vampire" and then the last line -- "hand up my ass" -- just totally did me in! Brilliant! Thank you for playing! Loved it!

Tonya said...

Oh MY! Interview with a Muppet!!! That's just too funny. I was rolling.

septembermom said...

You did such a great job with these! I love them all. Lucy better watch her back. That sinister Charlie Brown has her in his scope! I like how Kermit can show his "introspective" side :) Young Harry in Danielle Steele's world! Oh that poor boy doesn't have enough magic to get out of some of her romantic traps! Well done!

Caitlin said...

I LOVED the muppet one! "He held up his..well..whatever" cracked me up!

THarris said...

Hey, it was great to find your blog. One of the coaches I work with now had it on her blog. I looked at it and there you were. I hope everything is going great with the kids and tennis. I am loving it here and still coaching. Taylor-Ann