Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Writer's Workshop-A Pet Peeve To Conquer




As my weekly foray into the world of essay writing, Mama Kat's secret assignment intrigued me. If you love writing as I love writing, hit her blog.

Actually, a few of them interested me.

For instance, if I was going to sing in American Idol what would I sing and why? The Road Goes On Forever by the great Robert Earl Keen. It's easy to sing and would definitely piss Simon off which would be a bonus.

Also, what were my thoughts about the All Star Game. Forgettable. Sorry, just not a whole lot of material there either.

Or what's the worst thing I've ever done to a sibling? Well, since the statute of limitations isn't up for three or so years, I better let that one go.

So, I chose my pet peeve and what should happen to all violators of this. First, you should know that I'm generally a live and let live type of guy. I really have few things that just grate on me. But, there is one thing that I cannot abide by. It is so detestable that I truly over react each and every time it happens.

The greater than thou celebrity.

I'm sure you know the one. He wears sun glasses at night. He believes me to be short sighted and ignorant because of my beliefs. He has a new age religion that was created by 'some other guy'. He believes that because he has a spotlight, that all of his views must be spoken so that the poor unenlightened folks as me, can bask in his supremely innovative wisdom. He is not always a he.

They suck.

I'm sorry, I"m sure my high school teacher many years ago, wouldn't have approved of my use of the word suck. But, geez I hate the arrogance and the superior attitudes these people show. So, what should these happen to these three dimensional cartoon characters? These guys that can't even give a decent interview. (See Joaquin Phoenix and Dave Letterman.)



What should they do to pay for their sins?

I would say first that my law would have several punishments for the offender. If you act like an ass or use your position as a platform to throw out your views or basically just piss off people as you 'walk through the raindrops' then this will happen.

1. You will be banned from speaking on television.
2. You will be forced to work for forty hours on the graveyard shift at Whataburger.
3. Your number will be listed and made public so all of us can give YOU our unsolicited opinions any time we wish.
4. Your next film/project will have to be directed by Matt Leblanc.

Please be warned oh greater than thou, sunglasses wearing, not really caring, fake, celebrity know it alls. If I gain power of time and space...or at least the power to make laws in this country, I will be going after you.

----Lane

PS: Public service announcement, First Five Friday will focus on the most powerful actresses of TV comedy, so stay tuned.

10 comments:

Mama SeWELL said...

Amen to that! I thought Dave handled it pretty good considering the coffe mug wouldve been more interesting than what off his rocker Mr. Pheonix came up with. And to think he made $$ off this interview. Hopefully this is all a big joke, because its sad.
Id love to hear your thoughts on octo-mom!HA!

hotpants4979 said...

Dave was great during that cracked out interview. I'm still not sure if Joaquin is on something or acting.

Nikki B. said...

Wow...I hadn't seen that interview...or whatever you call it. Dave was awesome. The only thing I wished he'd done differently was punch him in the head at some point!

Looks like Joaquin might be suffering from the same affliction as his bro River...at this rate...they may be reunited soon!

Asshole!!! I'm talking about Joaquin...not you, Lane!!!!

Paige said...

I am pretty sure that Jouquin Phoenix is faking that stuff--pretty sure--he is actually very intelligent. Perhaps he has cooked his brain and I missed it.

That mess he is growing on his face suggests something is bad wrong with him though. Gross

I am with you on the other one though

Jill (Sneaky Momma) said...

Whether this is an act by him or not, the man's off his rocker. He would have known that this would bring him negative publicity, or else didn't care. I think it's the latter. Poor guy.
Love Letterman's response, though. :)

Jennifer said...

LOL!!! I saw that interview.....can we say doped outta his mind?!?!?! I think having their next movie directed by Matt LeBlanc would do it! Teach them a lesson!

Dan said...

But my number is already public and I already aced the whatburger job. Now what? {*grin*}

blueviolet said...

I saw that interview and it was painful. Dave was at the top of his game though. I wonder if it was just a gag though because Joaquin's friend was filming it all on videotape.

Jenners said...

Well, Joaquin is losing his mind right now so I'll give him a little bit of a break. He had kind of strange family life too if I recall!

But, on the whole, I agree with you ... and I love the punishment!

And thanks for accepting this Philly fan to your blog! : )

Kristen said...

I am so saddened by what became of him. We were to be married you know? Can Tom Cruise have his own special punishment? I'm thinking shock treatment and drug therapy.