Friday, February 20, 2009

Jenners Game-Bad First Lines


A cool lady has a new game out in which you create first lines of a book that truly...forgive the expression...suck. I had way too much fun coming up with this literary junk and might actually add to this list some time soon, before the 28th. Thanks, Jenners, for the game.


As he walked into the bar, the crowd silence was so deafening that you could hear a mouse fart.
---- Revenge of the Drifter by Gaseous Clay

The bell tolled nine as the parents of Aaron watched him struggle, grunt, and finally be rewarded with the satisfying 'plop' from the very depths of the commode.
----Tales of Potty Training by Yuri Smelly

Jonesy, as he was called back in Wisconsin, felt all alone in the big city of Tulsa with only his piccolo to keep him company.

----Oklahoma Jonesy by Winny Jones

Crushed under the stress of her low end job at the local Sack N Save, Carol looked for new and exciting ways to make some dough.

----1-900-Superstar by Jackson Rivers

A chill in the air reminded Bob of the time he left his refrigerator open and it made his cheese go bad.

----All About Bob by Bob

The chips clattered to the table as they were thrown haphazardly by the gambler known as the Duke of Champaigne announced his presence with a the clatter or chips.

---Clattering of Chips by Henry Lays

As Jennifer Johnson prattled on about comparing green grapes to purple grapes at the local Piggly Wiggly, Sharon Reynolds wished silently that a giant meteor would hit this sorry, crumpled down excuse for a store and put them all out of their misery.

----The Story About the Giant Meteor Hitting Piggly Wiggly by I.M. Meede

It was obvioulsy a weird tryst, that Roland Gentry couldn't make any sense of even as the nights following his encounter would flood his mind with memories of the past.

----The Rooster's Song by June Culver

He knew that he had arrived into that special world of hers when she asked him to pick her up from her gynecology appointment.

-----Piercing the Rainbow by John Rogers

As the grinding sound and the sharp pain of the tatoo needle in his back flooded David Jack Jo Bob Jones with a slight feeling of dismay, he heard his girlfriend exclaim, "Isn't penis spelled with one 's'?"

----Rainbow Piercings by Roger Johns

The light through the blinds awoke Raymond Martin to the simple truth that the sun did come up and his life would continue even though he knew deep in side that he was soon to be the final remaining heir to the thrown of some country in Eastern Europe that he'd never heard of, that he couldn't find on a map, that he would someday control.

----The King Runs On by Peeves Richarson

Thanks, again, Jenners.

5 comments:

Jenners said...

My gosh ... is there a talent for bad writing in the Sneaky household or what? These are pure genius! I can't even think what my favorite is ... they are all so funny. I'm thinking with all the talent for this in the Sneaky household, you and your wife should enter the contest for real! I think I may have laughed hardest at "Rainbow Piercings" but then again the whole clattering of chips was up there too. And "The King Runs On" was pretty darn good .. and...well, you can tell I can't pick a favorite. I can tell you had fun doing this and I'm so glad. Thanks for the laughs! What a great start to my day!

Elaine said...

Thanks for the funnies, what a way to start the day.

Wayne said...

Hey lane, This sounds like a intresting game. I may have to give it a try some time

Tim said...

Lane, dude where did you get that stuff? I wouldnt even know where to look.

Great post.

Tim

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