First 5 Friday-They Say the Funniest Things

As we wade through the beginning of the school year, I decided to throw in some of the strangest things written or said by my former students. It's probably a post that should've been thrown in a while back, but hopefully you'll enjoy. For instance, this classic exchange which gained honorable mention.

Tennis Player: "Coach!! Coach!! I was winning!!!

Me: "Cool, what was the score?"

Tennis Player: "Three to three."

Me: (Stunned silence as I just stared.)

First 5 Strangest Things I Ever Heard A Student Say

5. "Ow...I hurt my knee". I know this doesn't sound weird...but please understand the young man was cradling his elbow at the time. From having him in class, I knew that he didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground, but I was surprised that he didn't know his elbow from his knee.

4. "I would go into town every weekend and get laid." This was a report on what the kids would do for fun if they lived in the 1800's. I was also told by his mom that seventh grade Ralph (not his real name in case the mom blogs) didn't have the slightest idea on what getting laid was. I made him do a report on the subject. I know it was more scientific, but hey, I wanted him to be informed.

3. "That's All-right...I got shotgun." This fine young man was going to alternative school for his extracurricular activities..and a few in school ones. He was told he was going to what basically educational prison in a police car. He wanted to get the seating chart correct for the squad car I guess.

2, "Bury the money under Moses." Okay, I'm cheating a bit. This one was a note written by a student of mine. The police gave this note to a friend of mine who was an English teacher who taught one of my students as well. Apparently, Tiffany (again, not real name), decided to do a little mischief during the Christmas Holidays. She and her she-gang stole the baby Jesus from a nativity display. The note said this: "We want $50 or you'll never see the baby again. Put the money under Moses." Yep, Moses...not Joseph.

1. "Didn't he circumcize the world?" Poor eighth grade Raquel thought she had answered a tricky review question. "What was Magellan famous for?" She threw out that gem and strangely enough, not many of the kids batted an eye. Well, except for my three 'brilliant ones' who all at once layed their heads down on the desk and enjoyed their own private laugh.

I hope you enjoyed this, I know I loved reliving it. Maybe this year, I'll have some new material to top these oldies.