First 5-Dealing With Generation "I Don't Give A Damn!"

You know...there was a time when I was a kid. Really, promise. I know that I did a lot of dumb things in my misspent youth. But, this batch of kids are about to drive me absolutely NUTS!! So, in (dis)-honor to some of the future leaders of our society, I have a First 5 List.


First 5 Things That Piss Me Off About Teenagers Today

5. The Rolled Eyes-If you have never had anyone roll their eyes at you, it is quite a moment. You feel so validated as they tell you, nonverbally, that you are barely worthy of their time. That you are some obstacle in their way as they go on to bigger and better things....like Dairy Queen. I swear, the first time one of my girls does this to me...well, can we just imagine the end of this sentence? Suffice it to say, it will be the last time either one of them does it.


4. Loud Music-As I'm in my little SUV listening to the 'Ticket', a sports talk show, as my beautiful daughters are listening to Max and Ruby, I can't say how grateful I am that some loser in a sports car that his daddy bought him is 'letting' us listen to his music as he pulls up behind us. He rolls down his windows (even in winter, folks) and lets the soothing vibes of his Rated R Rap fill our air space. To think, if I put my SUV in reverse and floored it, I would get the ticket.

3. Conforming to Nonconformity-Usually shown in the female of the species (like the eye rolling.) They dare to wear the most outlandish garb as a way to express themselves....as long as some one else is wearing the exact thing. Weird makeup, cut off jeans on top of spandex, with leg rollers from 1987? "Sure, as long as Tracy is wearing them too." AAAaaarrgghhhh!!! By the way, if you're wondering what creature has the worst fashion sense, it is by far a 7th grade girl. They'll wear anything with anything. (15 years of experience says I'm right)


2. Sagging Jeans-Okay, seriously, it doesn't look cool. I mean hell, every two steps they got to pull their pants up. I want to say, "Hey, Tupac! There's a little invention we came up with that'll keep you from having to pull your pants up...it's called a BELT!! You know, it's the long, brown thing that you're Dad should've used on your ass quite a bit more. In prison, it meant that the dudes with their with their asses hanging out were looking for love. In the outside world, it means my eyes are going to get assaulted by the scenes of having to unconsciously see other people's underwear. Even when their underwear is clean it feels like eye rape.


1. Simple Disrespect-Sure, we had a few in our classes that cared little about what any adult said. Usually these guys wound up in jail, shot, or working the night shift at Whataburger. But, boys and girls, the numbers have exponentially grown. Now, we have quadruple the number that truly don't give a shit what we say, what we think, or how we feel. I know I sound like an old codger, but it can be truly depressing to watch a guy/girl basically call a teacher a 'Bitch' (actually Fucking Bitch), play the race card when all the teacher wanted was them to was do their work, threaten to stab the teacher in the arm with a pencil if they didn't give them their binder back (it had some pretty bad stuff on the cover), or tell a teacher that they will run his/her class, or a thousand other things...most of which I have experienced or heard second hand. It is truly painful to deal with.


I hope you enjoyed the rant about the younger generation. If they are reading this, I hope that they understand that this is constructive criticism and they can use this as a way to improve and become successful beacons of society. If they think I'm off my rocker and they think that the thug life is the way to go, then I just have one thing to say as they embark on their career. No, I don't think I want a hot apple pie to go with my Big Mac.