First 5 Friday-Laugh and the World Laughs With You

Comedy is maybe the toughest type of acting you can undertake. Timing is not something that you can learn, but it is something that is born in you. But, as important, is the character itself that you are portraying. In my humble opinion, there are certain characters that are...timeless. Their eccentricities, their accents, their incompetence, their impotence, their drinking, their...hell, etc, keep us in stitches and the show rolling.

So, without further adieu, here is the First 5 Best Characters in a Comedy

5. Sargeant Hans Shultz. "I know NOTHING...NOTHING!!" It has been often duplicated in my world. The great blob of incompetence that was Sargeant Shultz was a simple man put in a rediculous situation as a guardian of a prison full of 'special' prisoners who were manipulative and intelligent. They used him, abused him, and he took it. . He was the straight man and the comic relief. Most characters can't pull that off. Without loveable ol' Shultz, the show might not've flown.

4. Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox. "I reee---aaaa---llllllyyyyy..." think that this guy is the coolest. As a doctor with messiah issues, drinking issues, anger issues, ex-wife issues, and narcistic issues, he makes a good doctor. The fact that you are never totally sure that at some point he won't rip off JD's head and dunk it in the parking lot basketball goal makes him well worth a watch.

3. Homer Jay Simpson. "Doh" This guy is without a doubt the typical dad. Two kids...both of which are smarter than he is (yeah even Bart), a slight to major drinking problem, and a job that he hates. But, he has overcome. He has made it to the moon, been CEO of a major cooperation, and a lot of other things that I can't come up with right now.

2. Adrian Monk. Sad, obsessive, selfish, and funny as hell. A former cop who is fighting his demons in a daily battle. He is not a bad guy at all..in fact he is very loveable...but he is very self centered and needy. He is also a genius. Just a totally impressive character...Sherlock with phobias.

1. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce. He was a conscientious objector that objected to everything army related. Unfortunately, he was in the army. In a weird twist of fate, the television version of the story MASH was by far better than the movie. Hawkeye was the key. He was verbose, hurmorous, courageous (without fighting or anything silly like that), and totally human.


By the way, wishing you and yours a happy Valentines Day!!

Mama Kat's Prompt....A First 5 at a Special Time?

Mama Kat actually is giving me an option on her prompt for a First 5? Oh my gosh...this is what I live for!! So, an early Thursday edition a First 5 of my most recent favorite things. First 5 aficionados...both of 'em ...will notice that the format is slightly different. But, gotta follow the rules of an essay, right?

To look at this in practicality, I have to define what recent means. To me it is either a new discovery or a very recent rediscovery of something you used to love. In addition, 'recent' to me defines something within the last couple of years or so. So, here is Lane's Most Recent First 5 things.

My fifth most favorite thing in life right now is Scrubs. My wife told me, "You need to watch this show because it's stupid..and you like stupid things." Well, I'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist. I didn't know if I should've felt slightly abashed or insulted. Then I realized something.

She's right.

I love stupid movies...Naked Gun....Airplane...Hot Shots...I love 'em. But, as I got to watch this show over the last year and a half, I noticed that this show also has a great deal of heart. There is an episode that always leaves me slightly emotional. (Of course in this episode, one of the patients mentions the single worst sports moment in my life, Dwight Clark's lucky ass catch.)


My fourth favorite thing is Hogan's Heroes. Yeah, I know, the thing has been on longer than I've been alive, but this is more of rediscovery. The show is tacky, stupid, and slightly insulting. So, what...I love it!! "I know nothing!!" As Sergeant Shultz would say, but I think the fact is that it is poking fun at something that really should not be poked fun at. But, they stay out of the truly evil stuff and use the Nazis as harmless doofuses. (It is fiction, guys)

By the way, I am interested in some of the stories behind the cast and what may've happened to Bob Crane. This series has a lot of history behind it as I'm finding out.

My third favorite thing actually happened about four years ago as I watched the movie 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets'. I had no experience with Harry Potter and could've cared less...or couldn't have cared less...whatever works. Anyway, I was only there because it was a way to get out of half a day of inservice to join the English Department in their screening of it. I loved it. Ever since then, I have read, re read, listened to CD's/cassettes, and watched each movie at least twice. This has become my favorite series of all time...even better then the greatness of the 'Longarm' western series.

The runner up in my calvicade of faves is Pringles...specifically, BBQ Pringles. Sometimes, when you get a certain can, it is reprocessed BBQ heaven. My little girls have also gotten into the BBQ bug. Whenever I try to hide a can of BBQ goodness to secretly snack on, they bust me and confiscate at least half of my intended snack. Shouts of "P'ingles", from Itty Bitty and "I want a BIG GIRL bite of Pringles, Daddy!" from Addsy echo through our house as their thievery and their panhandling begins.


Finally, my favorite most recent thing is....Tackle Football...with toddlers. With my girls, they love to get 'tackled' and they love to tackle. Really, I suppose, this is just a catch all for playing with the girls. With this, it is one of the great things with kids. They love fun. They will run around, scream, squeal, and just love life. As you get older, you supposedly get perspective on my life. I have gotten more wisdom from watching my kids as they approach life. They are amazing creatures, aren't they.

Well, this is my list. I hope that you to play along on Mama Kat's site. Also, be watching Friday as my First 5 list hits television characters.

----Lane

NOT ME MONDAY-

Thanks to Mckmama for sponsoring the Not Me Monday.

I did NOT pull some type of muscle in my back on Tuesday. I did NOT still wind up fulfilling my pallbearer duties on the same day. I did NOT wish I was anywhere else.

I did NOT feel like Dr. House on Wednesday through Friday as my usually well filtered mind felt the need to tell things as it is on a too frequent basis....at home and at school. (I do not blame the back thing on this at all.)

I did NOT decide that in this state of mind it would be an excellent time to go play some poker with some friends from work. This was NOT the most awesome gift as Sneaky Momma did NOT let me off with quality 'me' time. I did NOT suck it up playing as poorly as I ever had...but I did NOT have such a good time, that the $17 was barely missed. (Has she mentioned I am a poker legend?) :)

I did NOT enjoy the moments I spent Sunday at the in laws as my Father in Law...or 'Pop' as we shall call him did NOT make his burgers and franks. I did NOT enjoy some important back healing time with the Eagles on the boombox and my poor injured back in his hot tub.

I do NOT dread Monday...I do NOT dread Monday...I do NOT Dread Monday...

It worked...NOT!!

Hope your Not mes for this week are GREAT ONES!!

Lane's First 5 Friday-A Super Edition

As the dust cleared in Tampa Bay, the pundits and the broadcasters all began wondering where this Super Bowl XLIII rank in terms of all time Super Bowls.

Thankfully that's what I do.


5. Super Bowl XLII-Otherwise known as Super Bowl 16-1. The NFC's fifth seed in one of the most amazing upsets since Jets/Colts in Super Bowl III pulled off a stunner against previously unbeaten New England 17-14. It placed the a simple pass play, Manning to Tyree as an instant classic.



Maybe because of the history on the line, this game has got to be in anyone's top 5. (By the way, I am puking slightly because of the fact I HATE the Giants and despise the Patriots. )


4. Super Bowl XLIII-Otherwise known as Super Porn. Pittsburgh 27-Arizona 23. This game literally had everything. The longest defensive touchdown in the history of the game.



Warner giveth away momentum...then takes it back in almost the greatest fourth quarter comeback in the history of the Super Bowl. Then, thousands of people are interrupted in Arizona, by porn preempting the big game. After the naked guys leave the screen...one for the ages. Big Ben to Holmes, another last gasp of the Cardinals...a non review in a critical point and the Steelers win an unprecedented sixth Super Bowl.


3. Super Bowl XIII-Otherwise known as Supe XIII or "The Sickest Man in America". Pittsburgh 35-Dsllas 31. A total rollercoaster as the teams continued to build and lose momentum. At first the defenses held the high powered offenses in check. Then, the Steelers plowed through Dallas vaunted Doomsday defense to build, what looked to be an insurmountable 35-17 lead with less than five minutes to go. Then, in a furious comeback, Roger Staubach led the Cowboys yard by hard earned yard against the Steel Curtain defense, scoring two touchdowns quicker than it took Bill Clinton to get his pants down for Monica L. After a failed onside finally sealed the deal for the Steelers, all participants and fans felt somewhat worn out emotionally from the track meet like 2nd half. Key play of the game, however, was a failed catch by a great tight end, Jackie Smith. The lost points were the difference in the score.




2. Super Bowl XXV-Otherwise known as 'The Shot Heard 'Round the World'...two teams that were polar opposites met in a slugfest. The high powered Buffalo Bills were down by one point to the run oriented NY Giants. As they drove down field to set up the winning score, the upstart Bills looked to be about to claim their first Super Bowl win. Then this happened.




1. Super Bowl XXXIV-Otherwise known as 'A Yard Away' It was spectacular. Several moments of spectacular defense and offense...and for my money...the most heart stopping action on the last Tennessee drive that I have ever seen. Here's a montage, from Warner's bomb, McNair's scramble, Dyson's stretch...just greatness.



Hope you enjoyed the walk down Lombardi Lane.



----Lane

Mama Kat's Assignment-The Ballad of Texas Stadium

Thanks to the greatness of Mama Kat, we get to throw out some creative writing...so join the fun at her site, mamakatslosinit.

I chose the number 2, Choose a task you'd like someone to complete and write a poem asking them to do it.

(To the tune of the Ballad of the Alamo, by Marty Robbins)

In the Northern part of Texas, by the ol' Fort Worth Town,
Lies a stadium on in ruin, that they're about to tear down.

You may look in vain for champions, but you'll ne'er see a one,
but sometimes between the setting and the rising of the sun.

You may hear a ghostly whistle, and players running by,
You may hear the spectral announcer, in his booth up in the sky.

Roger Staubach, Troy Aikman, and a couple of hundred more,
E. Smith and Bobby Lily, present and accounted for.

Back in 1996, the Vikings came to Texas Stadium,
1 minute..2 minute 8 min 10....the 'Boys held and held again.

And the offense was stunning, but in Carolina they fell
and the new history of the Cowboys would be a whole 'nother tale.

Three playoff games and three losses kept the starheads losing
then the choke in Philadelphia, kept us Texans all a boozing.

But, ever since the nineties, the cupboard's been bare,
The team we've got now in Dallas..doesn't even seem to care.

(Taps plays slowly)

In the northern part of Texas, near ol' Fort Worth Town
Lies of Stadium on in ruin and team that needs to be put down.

So, please oh Jerry Jones, for the love of heaven,
Get rid of 81 and get a handle on number eleven.

And if it's not too much trouble, please tell Romo that he's king
if he can keep the pigskin off the carpet and throw the balls to his team.

Then maybe just maybe, the Cowboys will not drop the ball,
I mean hell anyone can do it...just asks the Arizona Cardinals!!

Thanks, Jerry,

----Lane

Tribute Tuesday-They Called Her Monnie

For those expecting a 'Steelers History' story, I'm sorry but it has been preempted. Instead, another story, much closer to my heart will take it's place.

I want to thank Wayne for this idea and I'm sorry it's slightly late, but I'm sure folks will understand that we in the 'Sneaky' household were dealing with many things.

My Grandmother in Love was 75 as she died this Saturday Morning.

As an almost middle aged man, I spent over half a decade without my grandparents, before I met my wife, Jill. The last grandparent had died in 2000, but the ones that I literally grew up with died before I had graduated college. I knew I was lucky to have them for as long as I did. But, the loss of them did not hurt any less with that knowledge.

So, when I met her grandparents I was proud to count them as my family. All three of them touched my heart and my mind in several ways. Maybe the most unique of them all was the one they called "Monnie." I was told that it was pronounced 'money' and it was easy to remember because she was very giving of her money. She was a very short lady with an easy smile and country tone in her voice. Hearing her made me think of scrambled eggs on the grill and bacon smoking in the background. When God gave her that voice, He knew this lady had to be a grandmother.

As I got to know her I realized one thing about her almost instantaneous...her world was black and white. Right or wrong is what dominated her thoughts, actions, and opinions. In a world that we live in, where so many would love for you to compromise your values, she was not conforming to it. Some would say she was stubborn, I believe she was stalwart in her beliefs.

As I grieved with my new family over the passing of my wife to be's other grandmother, she cooked enough for all those staying in that house for the next 14 days. She and Ben, her husband, were givers in their community..whether it was to befriend a man with no home and give him one free of charge or to give a meal they were there.

For me, I guess I will always remember four things about Monnie.

One, she always considered me a grandson. Even though our time was short in the same family, she would always speak highly of me. I had other people that I'd never met during this hard week saying, "Oh, you're him." It was humbling that I meant so much to this lady in whom I also had a high opinion for.

Second, my wife and sister in law's relationship with Monnie was beyond good. They spoke the same language. They sensed the same things. There is a picture of them in my mind that I hope will remain with me until my dying day of the three of them sitting on a couch looking at old recipes. It was like, for just a moment, a photograph still in time. I guess I knew that moment was special even as it was happening.

Thirdly, she made the most unbelievably fabulous mashed potatoes in the entire world. She was a master cook that could do anything with a pan and some heat. Thanksgiving or Christmas usually was six or seven different pans going with different food products getting steamed, boiled, cooked, or roasted. She was like a conductor with a fine orchestra. When the food got to your plate, there was never any sour notes.

Finally, Spuds. Her Boston Terrier that was her 'four legged child' for seventeen years. Their relationship transcended the usual owner/pet relationship. As he got sick, she cared for him and nurtured him. Uncle Spuds passed on the day after Monnie's death.

A wonderful lady who gave this world a lot of love over the last 75 years...and I sure wish it could've been longer.

----Lane

Not Me Monday

If you love the insanity or freedom of admitting what you didn't do, join in at my charming kids and link up with Mckmama.

Rough weekend, but I thought I'd throw a few not me's in the virtual air. Forgive me for mailing this one in, but I do have some pretty decent ones.

I did NOT have the kids all weekend by myself. In that time, Itty Bitty did NOT have an issue with number 2. She did NOT push out of her tiny bottom a pile of crap that a Clydesdale would've been proud of late Sunday Afternoon. I did NOT gag.

Adsy did NOT go to time out ONLY a total of three times all weekend...which is either a record for her or her Dad's too much of a softy. I did NOT allow them to 'play' in Adsy's room for about an hour with little supervision. I did NOT know that 'play' would turn into the systematic destruction of the order of Adsy's room that took me two hours to fix before Sneaky Momma came home.

At school this week, I did NOT utter the words "Pure Balls" in a lecture of 30 8th graders while discussing the Monroe Doctrine. I did NOT have to wait two solid minutes for the spontaneous and uncontrollable laughter to die down. I am a professional educator, I don't do stuff like that. In addition, on the tennis court I did NOT accidentally hit a forehand volley rather solidly into a particulary annoying student. I did NOT grin when I turned my body the other way.

I did NOT think the ending of the Super Bowl was pretty darn cool even though the Cards lost. I did NOT wish for OT. I really did NOT see one commercial in spite of my First 5. (Seriously this is the truth.)

Adios, and have a great week!

----Lane