First 5 Friday-Oscar's Sins

Today my loyal fan(s) I give you Academy Award Blunders in the area of best picture. I truly despise the critic who hates the movie simply because everyone else likes it. The movie snob that revels in his non conformity and pokes fun at my sheep-like opinions really boils my blood. Oscars have had their share of moronic decisions, I have kept these only confined to best picture category.


First 5 Worst Oscar Winners for Best Picture


5. The Bridge on the River Kwai-1957. In case you think I always choose war movies, this year there was something better. 12 Angry Men has always been a Lane favorite as you watch Henry Fonda slowly but surely convince the other eleven men on the jury that justice is not only blind but patient, I think you'll agree too.


4. Chicago-2002. What should've won, in my opinion, was Gangs of New York. Sure, it was definitely on the violent side. But, the acting was phenomenal (Sheesh, even Leonardo) and the script and story were out of this world. I tried watching Chicago and don't get it. No, I really don't get it.


3. Annie Hall-1977. Um, yeah. Sure this was an awesome picture, sure it spanned decades, and sure it has even be digitally remastered and put back in the theaters for another go....or, hang on a minute, wasn't that Star Wars that surprisingly was snubbed. An entire generation of folks know what greatness Star Wars was, in fact I know no one that hasn't seen it above the age of 14 and I teach middle school. Do you want to guess the numbers for Annie Hall?


2. Oridnary People-1980. It beat Raging Bull? Seriously, it beat RAGING BULL? Quick show of hands, how many today have ever heard of Ordinary People. In case you're wondering, my hands are still on the home keys. Okay, how about Raging Bull? I rest my case.


1. Shakespeare in Love-1999. What should've won, was Saving Private Ryan. It truly changed the way an entire genre of movies were made. War movies were grittier after it creation. It was dynamic, powerful, poinent, moving, and everything an Oscar winning movie should've been. SIL, was good, but it was simply just entertaining not groundbreaking like Saving Private Ryan was.


By the way, as an extra, the best list of movies going for the best picture in one year was 1939. Check them out!!

Winner-Gone With the wind

Also Rans-Dark Victory, Goodbye, Mr. Chips, Love Affair, Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, Of Mice and Men, Ninatchka, Stagecoach, The Wizard of Oz, and Wuthering Heights.

I hope you enjoy the weekend.

---Lane

Tribute Tuesday-Captain Comeback

Tribute Tuesday is a brainchild of Wayne at Wayne's Window to the World. Drop by and give him a line.

As I grew from boy to teenager, one thing always rang clear. "My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys". Sure it's cliche, but I never claimed to be unique. I embrace my conformity and my hero as a boy was one Roger Staubach.



Any kid from the 1970's living in the Lone Star State was a fan of Staubach. For parents, he was the guy you wanted your kid to look up to. He was clean cut, competitive, persistent, and Christian. (Still is today, by the way.) Most of my younger life was spent watching him create magic on the field in real life or replay. I had his jersey, I would've loved to have his life.

After winning the Heisman Trophy at Navy, he spent five years in the service. He served his country well even requesting a one year tour of duty in Vietnam as a Naval Supply Officer. The Cowboys drafted him in 1964 but would wait until '69 for their 27 year old rookie. He would battle with unheralded QB Craig Morton for Don Meredith's old job, before finally taking it over.

From the two touchdowns within three minutes first miracle in Candlestick park to the famed Hail Mary in Minnesota to the final 'short Hail Mary' to beat the Redskins in Dallas he thrilled me throughout my pre teen years. I yelled in joy as I watched him defeat the Craig Morton led Denver Broncos and their defense nicknamed the 'Orange Crush'. I cried twice when the hated and despised Stee,ers defeated him. Even today, when I watch the replay of Super Bowl XIII. I feel a great sense of pride in the man. I truly believe in defeate it was his finest moment. Down three scores he brought his team up and down the field to twice against the leagues most feared defense. As almost always with Roger, he never lost, he just ran out of time.

He was an amazing story every week. His never give up style led to him getting pounded on more than most QB's. He'd hold the ball a split second longer...or he'd take off and then take on a linebacker. He was fearless.



Concussions and age began to take a toll. Roger's style could not allow for any slowness in thought or legs, so at the age of 38 he retired from football. I remember that speech as well even though I was nine. It tore me up almost as bad as it looked to be tearing up Roger. He gave up five years of his best years to his country, the total selfish ass in me wonders how many championships could've came Dallas' way if he went somewhere else. (Like Texas A&M for example) As he spoke, his voice shook and his eyes watered.

He ran out of time.

Now, he is a captain of industry...or well, real estate. He has been involved in several charitable ventures and even played in a flag football game a local radio stationed sponsored against Troy Aikman in 2006. True to form, he rallied his team from behind and defeated Troy's boys.

Just like the old days..

----Lane

'Nother Not Me

As a weekly stable for the blogging community, Mckmama gives us Not Me Monday. A time to confess our repressed triumphs and toils and to get these off of our chests....without judgement.

So, I hereby solemnly swear that all I'm about to tell is totally true. I also wish for you all to know how hard it is to type with any speed or accuracy with my fingers crossed.

I did NOT get a full afternoon off thanks to Sneaky Momma from the Sneaky Kids and the Sneaky Cat. I did NOT choose to take in an afternoon matinee. I did NOT have a choice between academy award hopeful Slumdog Millionaire and a movie that I do want to see, He's Just Not That Into You. I did NOT go to secret choice 'C' and choose Paul Blart: Mall Cop. I did NOT like it at all. I am NOT at all ashamed for this.

I did NOT come home and watch the Oscar's. Well, I did NOT watch even a little bit of it. I did NOT think that my favorite part was the five luminaries...or four luminaries and Cuba Gooding, Jr. presenting the best supporting actor award. I did NOT think that it was appropriate and proper that Heath Ledger won it. I do NOT think that when this week ends that I will have a First 5 post involving worst screwjobs in the history of the Oscars.

I think that about covers it. Hope your next week's 'Not Me's' are really 'Not Bad'.

----Lane

Jenners Game-Bad First Lines

A cool lady has a new game out in which you create first lines of a book that truly...forgive the expression...suck. I had way too much fun coming up with this literary junk and might actually add to this list some time soon, before the 28th. Thanks, Jenners, for the game.


As he walked into the bar, the crowd silence was so deafening that you could hear a mouse fart.
---- Revenge of the Drifter by Gaseous Clay

The bell tolled nine as the parents of Aaron watched him struggle, grunt, and finally be rewarded with the satisfying 'plop' from the very depths of the commode.
----Tales of Potty Training by Yuri Smelly

Jonesy, as he was called back in Wisconsin, felt all alone in the big city of Tulsa with only his piccolo to keep him company.

----Oklahoma Jonesy by Winny Jones

Crushed under the stress of her low end job at the local Sack N Save, Carol looked for new and exciting ways to make some dough.

----1-900-Superstar by Jackson Rivers

A chill in the air reminded Bob of the time he left his refrigerator open and it made his cheese go bad.

----All About Bob by Bob

The chips clattered to the table as they were thrown haphazardly by the gambler known as the Duke of Champaigne announced his presence with a the clatter or chips.

---Clattering of Chips by Henry Lays

As Jennifer Johnson prattled on about comparing green grapes to purple grapes at the local Piggly Wiggly, Sharon Reynolds wished silently that a giant meteor would hit this sorry, crumpled down excuse for a store and put them all out of their misery.

----The Story About the Giant Meteor Hitting Piggly Wiggly by I.M. Meede

It was obvioulsy a weird tryst, that Roland Gentry couldn't make any sense of even as the nights following his encounter would flood his mind with memories of the past.

----The Rooster's Song by June Culver

He knew that he had arrived into that special world of hers when she asked him to pick her up from her gynecology appointment.

-----Piercing the Rainbow by John Rogers

As the grinding sound and the sharp pain of the tatoo needle in his back flooded David Jack Jo Bob Jones with a slight feeling of dismay, he heard his girlfriend exclaim, "Isn't penis spelled with one 's'?"

----Rainbow Piercings by Roger Johns

The light through the blinds awoke Raymond Martin to the simple truth that the sun did come up and his life would continue even though he knew deep in side that he was soon to be the final remaining heir to the thrown of some country in Eastern Europe that he'd never heard of, that he couldn't find on a map, that he would someday control.

----The King Runs On by Peeves Richarson

Thanks, again, Jenners.

First 5 Friday-Comparing Commedienes

Last week, my First 5 list was about greatest characters in a comedy. I didn't realize it at the time, but my list only contained men. I know that of course TV is more than just the Y chromosomes and fuzzy faces. Women have truly made their mark...so much so, that I have decided to honor them with their own First 5.

First 5 Most Interesting Female Comedy Characters

5. Diane Chambers-Cheers. The quintessential snob. The girl who knows the proper wine (and whine for that matter), the proper use of 'whom', and pretty much all things that a country boy like me would find totally useless. But, her romance with Sam Malone was pure comic gold. She was a paradox that made you root for her and against her all at the same time. You wanted to see her and Sam make it, but you would totally be fine if he rubbed her nose in the dirt a little. Even though I liked Rebecca Howe, Cheers was never the same without her. She brought 'real' sophistication and hypocrisy to the show...and man did it work.



4. Phoebe Buffay-Friends. Totally weird. Had such a different way of looking at life and wasn't worried about letting everyone know it. She was the gifted and talented ditz. She was honest, caring, with a past of being very harsh. (She had actually mugged Ross while living on the streets.) Her music ability was truly horrific, but yet she sang. I guess she is a role model for us all, do what you want regardless of what anyone thinks.



3. Karen Delaney St. Croix Popeil Walker Finster-Walker-Will and Grace. Just the name alone is awesome, but the drug abusing, binge drinking, chimney smoking, sarcasm flowing, millionaire marrying lady was simply riveting. She was funny while being totally shallow and insulting. She thought only about herself, but damn if she wasn't loveable.



2. Edith Bunker-All in the Family. She was married to a boorish, racist man. He took her for granted, even so much as forcing her to sit in what look to be the most uncomfortable chair in the house, while he sat on the best chair. She took it all in stride with her whiny voice and deferential attitude. But, on rare occasion, she would tear into him and you felt just a tiny bit of anxiety. Because she never yelled, it kind of worried you when she did. She was Grandma before Grandma was gray and frail. I guess the timeless quality of the song "Those Were The Days' and the screeching voice of hers make her truly unforgettable.





1. Lucy Ricardo-I Love Lucy. I'll admit it, I was not a fan of the show. But, what few episodes I have watched have led me to believe that Lucy was really all of that and a bag of chips. (Can I really pull that saying off?) She was strong willed and stubborn, which at that time was not something that was really looked favorably on back in those days. I respect greatness and I know it when I see it. She was an amazing character and Lucille Ball played her to perfection.



I hope you enjoyed the X Chromosome First 5...tune in next week...for what I have no idea.

---Lane

Writer's Workshop-A Pet Peeve To Conquer

As my weekly foray into the world of essay writing, Mama Kat's secret assignment intrigued me. If you love writing as I love writing, hit her blog.

Actually, a few of them interested me.

For instance, if I was going to sing in American Idol what would I sing and why? The Road Goes On Forever by the great Robert Earl Keen. It's easy to sing and would definitely piss Simon off which would be a bonus.

Also, what were my thoughts about the All Star Game. Forgettable. Sorry, just not a whole lot of material there either.

Or what's the worst thing I've ever done to a sibling? Well, since the statute of limitations isn't up for three or so years, I better let that one go.

So, I chose my pet peeve and what should happen to all violators of this. First, you should know that I'm generally a live and let live type of guy. I really have few things that just grate on me. But, there is one thing that I cannot abide by. It is so detestable that I truly over react each and every time it happens.

The greater than thou celebrity.

I'm sure you know the one. He wears sun glasses at night. He believes me to be short sighted and ignorant because of my beliefs. He has a new age religion that was created by 'some other guy'. He believes that because he has a spotlight, that all of his views must be spoken so that the poor unenlightened folks as me, can bask in his supremely innovative wisdom. He is not always a he.

They suck.

I'm sorry, I"m sure my high school teacher many years ago, wouldn't have approved of my use of the word suck. But, geez I hate the arrogance and the superior attitudes these people show. So, what should these happen to these three dimensional cartoon characters? These guys that can't even give a decent interview. (See Joaquin Phoenix and Dave Letterman.)



What should they do to pay for their sins?

I would say first that my law would have several punishments for the offender. If you act like an ass or use your position as a platform to throw out your views or basically just piss off people as you 'walk through the raindrops' then this will happen.

1. You will be banned from speaking on television.
2. You will be forced to work for forty hours on the graveyard shift at Whataburger.
3. Your number will be listed and made public so all of us can give YOU our unsolicited opinions any time we wish.
4. Your next film/project will have to be directed by Matt Leblanc.

Please be warned oh greater than thou, sunglasses wearing, not really caring, fake, celebrity know it alls. If I gain power of time and space...or at least the power to make laws in this country, I will be going after you.

----Lane

PS: Public service announcement, First Five Friday will focus on the most powerful actresses of TV comedy, so stay tuned.

Tribute Tuesday-The Steagles

If you want to give someone their 'props' be sure to run by Wayne's Window to the World to join Tribute Tuesday.


Public Service Notice-As a Cowboys fan, I do not like any team from either Pittsburgh or Philadelphia...but this story transcends simple fan hatred and jealousy. It is something that is as touching as it is poignant. It is the story of the Steagles.





The year was 1943. Europe, Asia, Africa, and the Pacific were waging arguably the most important war of our civilization. All eyes and hearts lived and died with every report, wondering if the next names that were written or read would be their sons, fathers, husbands. In an act that was truly American, we decided the games must continue. As you noticed perhaps during 9/11, we truly have to have our sports. Roosevelt decided that the NFL must function to give Americans a much needed outlet for their emotions.

There was an obvious problem with this request, however. Most men that were eligible to play in the NFL were already fighting. Teams were gutted as players traded football uniforms for soldier's gear. However, because of the 'flatfoot' syndrome, several players throughout the league were not allowed in the military. So some teams were intact. Two teams that weren't however were the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Philadelphia Eagles.

Art Rooney, owner of the Steelers, and Alexis Thompson, owner of the Eagles, decided to join the teams together for survival. The teams would be called the 'Steagles'.

At first it was a disaster.

Old bitterness and past 'treachery' on the gridiron had these 'teammates' not trusting, much less liking each other. These were bitter interstate rivals who hated the other team worst than any other. They survived training camp....and by survive I mean that in every sense of the word. They worked sixty hours a week at their jobs at plants and factories for the war effort and then they practiced...with people they didn't like. Tensions stretch nerves to the breaking point as fights broke out frequently. Of course, there was one other slight thing that was also threatening to make this 1943 season a failure.

Even before the two teams joined....they sucked.

These two teams when they were the Eagles and the Steelers fought each other for last place in the NFL. There were several hills to climb as the lines between the teammates began to be erased.

However, this season would be memorable. The combined team would post a winning record at 5-4-1. In this story book season, they would play the NFL champion Washington Redskins twice. The Redskins boasted a deadly air attack with QB Sammy 'Slingin' Sammy' Baugh taking the snaps. The first time would be a tie 14-14. The second time, the castoffs...the worst of the worst...would defeat the NFL champion 'Skins 27-14 in a game that was never as close as the score seemed.

The aftermath was the team split again in 1944. Even though the Steelers couldn't field at team, they left the Eagles to their own devices and joined the Chicago Cardinals and proceeded to go winless as the 'Carpet' team was truly a team that was walked on that year.

The Steagles showed that all things could be put aside for a greater cause. In wartime Pennsylvania they rose spirits and gave insipiration to countless souls. (Including mine some sixty years later.)

It was the stuff of legends.

----Lane (SD)

NOT Me-The V-Day Edition

Another week in the books...another week about to begin. Thanks to Mckmama for this outlet for us to admit what didn't happen.

Well, I did not mircaculously get my back healed by some of Pop's magical medicine. It wasn't FDA approved but it is Sneaky Daddy approved. Sneaky Momma did not have to massage it in. I did not love every minute of it even though I smelt like wintergreen gum.

I did NOT start out the season this year with challenge matches galore. It does NOT make me twitch when two seventh grade girls play tennis against each other. I do NOT mentally make note of all the places in the world I could travel to before this match ends.

We did NOT observe Cupid's day. We did NOT take the girls for an afternoon of frolicking, sliding, climbing, and swinging at the local park.

.

I did NOT slide down the slide because I'm adult. This is a park for kids, there is no way me a near 40 year old would ever play on a slide made for a nine year oldSneaky Momma and I did NOT spend a quiet...yes a QUITE QUIET evening on February 14th at home. We did NOT go eat a pretty decent dinnner at Saltgrass after waiting roughly the same amount of time that it takes two seventh grade girls to play tennis. (1hr and 45min) We did NOT get home until the last hour of Valentines Day was half way done. We did NOT spend the rest of V-Day and the beginning of V-Day +1 watching the movie Fireproof. We did NOT feel somewhat inspired by the message even though we did NOT make fun of any of the acting. (That movie is good on so many levels)

We did NOT hit Poppers house for his '45th' birthday. It was NOT really his 54th birthday as he pled dyslexia. He did NOT enjoy playing basketball on his new goal. Me and Uncle Bri (my wife's brother in law) did not enjoy at all the playing of basketball in his home made arena. We did NOT partake in a game of HORSE that rivaled the NBA. (Okay, our games probably didn't rival that one, but they were fun).

Thanks again to Mckmama!!!

----Lane

First 5 Friday-Laugh and the World Laughs With You

Comedy is maybe the toughest type of acting you can undertake. Timing is not something that you can learn, but it is something that is born in you. But, as important, is the character itself that you are portraying. In my humble opinion, there are certain characters that are...timeless. Their eccentricities, their accents, their incompetence, their impotence, their drinking, their...hell, etc, keep us in stitches and the show rolling.

So, without further adieu, here is the First 5 Best Characters in a Comedy

5. Sargeant Hans Shultz. "I know NOTHING...NOTHING!!" It has been often duplicated in my world. The great blob of incompetence that was Sargeant Shultz was a simple man put in a rediculous situation as a guardian of a prison full of 'special' prisoners who were manipulative and intelligent. They used him, abused him, and he took it. . He was the straight man and the comic relief. Most characters can't pull that off. Without loveable ol' Shultz, the show might not've flown.

4. Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox. "I reee---aaaa---llllllyyyyy..." think that this guy is the coolest. As a doctor with messiah issues, drinking issues, anger issues, ex-wife issues, and narcistic issues, he makes a good doctor. The fact that you are never totally sure that at some point he won't rip off JD's head and dunk it in the parking lot basketball goal makes him well worth a watch.

3. Homer Jay Simpson. "Doh" This guy is without a doubt the typical dad. Two kids...both of which are smarter than he is (yeah even Bart), a slight to major drinking problem, and a job that he hates. But, he has overcome. He has made it to the moon, been CEO of a major cooperation, and a lot of other things that I can't come up with right now.

2. Adrian Monk. Sad, obsessive, selfish, and funny as hell. A former cop who is fighting his demons in a daily battle. He is not a bad guy at all..in fact he is very loveable...but he is very self centered and needy. He is also a genius. Just a totally impressive character...Sherlock with phobias.

1. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce. He was a conscientious objector that objected to everything army related. Unfortunately, he was in the army. In a weird twist of fate, the television version of the story MASH was by far better than the movie. Hawkeye was the key. He was verbose, hurmorous, courageous (without fighting or anything silly like that), and totally human.


By the way, wishing you and yours a happy Valentines Day!!

Mama Kat's Prompt....A First 5 at a Special Time?

Mama Kat actually is giving me an option on her prompt for a First 5? Oh my gosh...this is what I live for!! So, an early Thursday edition a First 5 of my most recent favorite things. First 5 aficionados...both of 'em ...will notice that the format is slightly different. But, gotta follow the rules of an essay, right?

To look at this in practicality, I have to define what recent means. To me it is either a new discovery or a very recent rediscovery of something you used to love. In addition, 'recent' to me defines something within the last couple of years or so. So, here is Lane's Most Recent First 5 things.

My fifth most favorite thing in life right now is Scrubs. My wife told me, "You need to watch this show because it's stupid..and you like stupid things." Well, I'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist. I didn't know if I should've felt slightly abashed or insulted. Then I realized something.

She's right.

I love stupid movies...Naked Gun....Airplane...Hot Shots...I love 'em. But, as I got to watch this show over the last year and a half, I noticed that this show also has a great deal of heart. There is an episode that always leaves me slightly emotional. (Of course in this episode, one of the patients mentions the single worst sports moment in my life, Dwight Clark's lucky ass catch.)


My fourth favorite thing is Hogan's Heroes. Yeah, I know, the thing has been on longer than I've been alive, but this is more of rediscovery. The show is tacky, stupid, and slightly insulting. So, what...I love it!! "I know nothing!!" As Sergeant Shultz would say, but I think the fact is that it is poking fun at something that really should not be poked fun at. But, they stay out of the truly evil stuff and use the Nazis as harmless doofuses. (It is fiction, guys)

By the way, I am interested in some of the stories behind the cast and what may've happened to Bob Crane. This series has a lot of history behind it as I'm finding out.

My third favorite thing actually happened about four years ago as I watched the movie 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets'. I had no experience with Harry Potter and could've cared less...or couldn't have cared less...whatever works. Anyway, I was only there because it was a way to get out of half a day of inservice to join the English Department in their screening of it. I loved it. Ever since then, I have read, re read, listened to CD's/cassettes, and watched each movie at least twice. This has become my favorite series of all time...even better then the greatness of the 'Longarm' western series.

The runner up in my calvicade of faves is Pringles...specifically, BBQ Pringles. Sometimes, when you get a certain can, it is reprocessed BBQ heaven. My little girls have also gotten into the BBQ bug. Whenever I try to hide a can of BBQ goodness to secretly snack on, they bust me and confiscate at least half of my intended snack. Shouts of "P'ingles", from Itty Bitty and "I want a BIG GIRL bite of Pringles, Daddy!" from Addsy echo through our house as their thievery and their panhandling begins.


Finally, my favorite most recent thing is....Tackle Football...with toddlers. With my girls, they love to get 'tackled' and they love to tackle. Really, I suppose, this is just a catch all for playing with the girls. With this, it is one of the great things with kids. They love fun. They will run around, scream, squeal, and just love life. As you get older, you supposedly get perspective on my life. I have gotten more wisdom from watching my kids as they approach life. They are amazing creatures, aren't they.

Well, this is my list. I hope that you to play along on Mama Kat's site. Also, be watching Friday as my First 5 list hits television characters.

----Lane

NOT ME MONDAY-

Thanks to Mckmama for sponsoring the Not Me Monday.

I did NOT pull some type of muscle in my back on Tuesday. I did NOT still wind up fulfilling my pallbearer duties on the same day. I did NOT wish I was anywhere else.

I did NOT feel like Dr. House on Wednesday through Friday as my usually well filtered mind felt the need to tell things as it is on a too frequent basis....at home and at school. (I do not blame the back thing on this at all.)

I did NOT decide that in this state of mind it would be an excellent time to go play some poker with some friends from work. This was NOT the most awesome gift as Sneaky Momma did NOT let me off with quality 'me' time. I did NOT suck it up playing as poorly as I ever had...but I did NOT have such a good time, that the $17 was barely missed. (Has she mentioned I am a poker legend?) :)

I did NOT enjoy the moments I spent Sunday at the in laws as my Father in Law...or 'Pop' as we shall call him did NOT make his burgers and franks. I did NOT enjoy some important back healing time with the Eagles on the boombox and my poor injured back in his hot tub.

I do NOT dread Monday...I do NOT dread Monday...I do NOT Dread Monday...

It worked...NOT!!

Hope your Not mes for this week are GREAT ONES!!

Lane's First 5 Friday-A Super Edition

As the dust cleared in Tampa Bay, the pundits and the broadcasters all began wondering where this Super Bowl XLIII rank in terms of all time Super Bowls.

Thankfully that's what I do.


5. Super Bowl XLII-Otherwise known as Super Bowl 16-1. The NFC's fifth seed in one of the most amazing upsets since Jets/Colts in Super Bowl III pulled off a stunner against previously unbeaten New England 17-14. It placed the a simple pass play, Manning to Tyree as an instant classic.



Maybe because of the history on the line, this game has got to be in anyone's top 5. (By the way, I am puking slightly because of the fact I HATE the Giants and despise the Patriots. )


4. Super Bowl XLIII-Otherwise known as Super Porn. Pittsburgh 27-Arizona 23. This game literally had everything. The longest defensive touchdown in the history of the game.



Warner giveth away momentum...then takes it back in almost the greatest fourth quarter comeback in the history of the Super Bowl. Then, thousands of people are interrupted in Arizona, by porn preempting the big game. After the naked guys leave the screen...one for the ages. Big Ben to Holmes, another last gasp of the Cardinals...a non review in a critical point and the Steelers win an unprecedented sixth Super Bowl.


3. Super Bowl XIII-Otherwise known as Supe XIII or "The Sickest Man in America". Pittsburgh 35-Dsllas 31. A total rollercoaster as the teams continued to build and lose momentum. At first the defenses held the high powered offenses in check. Then, the Steelers plowed through Dallas vaunted Doomsday defense to build, what looked to be an insurmountable 35-17 lead with less than five minutes to go. Then, in a furious comeback, Roger Staubach led the Cowboys yard by hard earned yard against the Steel Curtain defense, scoring two touchdowns quicker than it took Bill Clinton to get his pants down for Monica L. After a failed onside finally sealed the deal for the Steelers, all participants and fans felt somewhat worn out emotionally from the track meet like 2nd half. Key play of the game, however, was a failed catch by a great tight end, Jackie Smith. The lost points were the difference in the score.




2. Super Bowl XXV-Otherwise known as 'The Shot Heard 'Round the World'...two teams that were polar opposites met in a slugfest. The high powered Buffalo Bills were down by one point to the run oriented NY Giants. As they drove down field to set up the winning score, the upstart Bills looked to be about to claim their first Super Bowl win. Then this happened.




1. Super Bowl XXXIV-Otherwise known as 'A Yard Away' It was spectacular. Several moments of spectacular defense and offense...and for my money...the most heart stopping action on the last Tennessee drive that I have ever seen. Here's a montage, from Warner's bomb, McNair's scramble, Dyson's stretch...just greatness.



Hope you enjoyed the walk down Lombardi Lane.



----Lane

Mama Kat's Assignment-The Ballad of Texas Stadium

Thanks to the greatness of Mama Kat, we get to throw out some creative writing...so join the fun at her site, mamakatslosinit.

I chose the number 2, Choose a task you'd like someone to complete and write a poem asking them to do it.

(To the tune of the Ballad of the Alamo, by Marty Robbins)

In the Northern part of Texas, by the ol' Fort Worth Town,
Lies a stadium on in ruin, that they're about to tear down.

You may look in vain for champions, but you'll ne'er see a one,
but sometimes between the setting and the rising of the sun.

You may hear a ghostly whistle, and players running by,
You may hear the spectral announcer, in his booth up in the sky.

Roger Staubach, Troy Aikman, and a couple of hundred more,
E. Smith and Bobby Lily, present and accounted for.

Back in 1996, the Vikings came to Texas Stadium,
1 minute..2 minute 8 min 10....the 'Boys held and held again.

And the offense was stunning, but in Carolina they fell
and the new history of the Cowboys would be a whole 'nother tale.

Three playoff games and three losses kept the starheads losing
then the choke in Philadelphia, kept us Texans all a boozing.

But, ever since the nineties, the cupboard's been bare,
The team we've got now in Dallas..doesn't even seem to care.

(Taps plays slowly)

In the northern part of Texas, near ol' Fort Worth Town
Lies of Stadium on in ruin and team that needs to be put down.

So, please oh Jerry Jones, for the love of heaven,
Get rid of 81 and get a handle on number eleven.

And if it's not too much trouble, please tell Romo that he's king
if he can keep the pigskin off the carpet and throw the balls to his team.

Then maybe just maybe, the Cowboys will not drop the ball,
I mean hell anyone can do it...just asks the Arizona Cardinals!!

Thanks, Jerry,

----Lane

Tribute Tuesday-They Called Her Monnie

For those expecting a 'Steelers History' story, I'm sorry but it has been preempted. Instead, another story, much closer to my heart will take it's place.

I want to thank Wayne for this idea and I'm sorry it's slightly late, but I'm sure folks will understand that we in the 'Sneaky' household were dealing with many things.

My Grandmother in Love was 75 as she died this Saturday Morning.

As an almost middle aged man, I spent over half a decade without my grandparents, before I met my wife, Jill. The last grandparent had died in 2000, but the ones that I literally grew up with died before I had graduated college. I knew I was lucky to have them for as long as I did. But, the loss of them did not hurt any less with that knowledge.

So, when I met her grandparents I was proud to count them as my family. All three of them touched my heart and my mind in several ways. Maybe the most unique of them all was the one they called "Monnie." I was told that it was pronounced 'money' and it was easy to remember because she was very giving of her money. She was a very short lady with an easy smile and country tone in her voice. Hearing her made me think of scrambled eggs on the grill and bacon smoking in the background. When God gave her that voice, He knew this lady had to be a grandmother.

As I got to know her I realized one thing about her almost instantaneous...her world was black and white. Right or wrong is what dominated her thoughts, actions, and opinions. In a world that we live in, where so many would love for you to compromise your values, she was not conforming to it. Some would say she was stubborn, I believe she was stalwart in her beliefs.

As I grieved with my new family over the passing of my wife to be's other grandmother, she cooked enough for all those staying in that house for the next 14 days. She and Ben, her husband, were givers in their community..whether it was to befriend a man with no home and give him one free of charge or to give a meal they were there.

For me, I guess I will always remember four things about Monnie.

One, she always considered me a grandson. Even though our time was short in the same family, she would always speak highly of me. I had other people that I'd never met during this hard week saying, "Oh, you're him." It was humbling that I meant so much to this lady in whom I also had a high opinion for.

Second, my wife and sister in law's relationship with Monnie was beyond good. They spoke the same language. They sensed the same things. There is a picture of them in my mind that I hope will remain with me until my dying day of the three of them sitting on a couch looking at old recipes. It was like, for just a moment, a photograph still in time. I guess I knew that moment was special even as it was happening.

Thirdly, she made the most unbelievably fabulous mashed potatoes in the entire world. She was a master cook that could do anything with a pan and some heat. Thanksgiving or Christmas usually was six or seven different pans going with different food products getting steamed, boiled, cooked, or roasted. She was like a conductor with a fine orchestra. When the food got to your plate, there was never any sour notes.

Finally, Spuds. Her Boston Terrier that was her 'four legged child' for seventeen years. Their relationship transcended the usual owner/pet relationship. As he got sick, she cared for him and nurtured him. Uncle Spuds passed on the day after Monnie's death.

A wonderful lady who gave this world a lot of love over the last 75 years...and I sure wish it could've been longer.

----Lane

Not Me Monday

If you love the insanity or freedom of admitting what you didn't do, join in at my charming kids and link up with Mckmama.

Rough weekend, but I thought I'd throw a few not me's in the virtual air. Forgive me for mailing this one in, but I do have some pretty decent ones.

I did NOT have the kids all weekend by myself. In that time, Itty Bitty did NOT have an issue with number 2. She did NOT push out of her tiny bottom a pile of crap that a Clydesdale would've been proud of late Sunday Afternoon. I did NOT gag.

Adsy did NOT go to time out ONLY a total of three times all weekend...which is either a record for her or her Dad's too much of a softy. I did NOT allow them to 'play' in Adsy's room for about an hour with little supervision. I did NOT know that 'play' would turn into the systematic destruction of the order of Adsy's room that took me two hours to fix before Sneaky Momma came home.

At school this week, I did NOT utter the words "Pure Balls" in a lecture of 30 8th graders while discussing the Monroe Doctrine. I did NOT have to wait two solid minutes for the spontaneous and uncontrollable laughter to die down. I am a professional educator, I don't do stuff like that. In addition, on the tennis court I did NOT accidentally hit a forehand volley rather solidly into a particulary annoying student. I did NOT grin when I turned my body the other way.

I did NOT think the ending of the Super Bowl was pretty darn cool even though the Cards lost. I did NOT wish for OT. I really did NOT see one commercial in spite of my First 5. (Seriously this is the truth.)

Adios, and have a great week!

----Lane